Moist Meter | Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark

  • Published: 10 August 2019
  • Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark (2019 Horror / Mystery / Thriller Movie) starring Zoe Margaret Colletti, Michael Garza and directed by André Øvredal as reviewed by Charlie and Jackson.

    The Moist Meter is an experimental measurement system that you can use to safely gauge just how moist a video game or movie is going to be before playing it or viewing it. Avoid the dry products and only use the wettest.

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Comments • 1 461

  • Fraught Quill
    Fraught Quill  3 weeks back

    I'm really surprised to find that Charlie enjoyed it. For me I really disliked it. I thought the acting was good, and some of the creature designs were good, and the main girl was cute. But for me, the writing was so god awful that it kinda ruined it for me.

    • whyistomatoafruit
      whyistomatoafruit  1 months back

      “Just like Goosebumps...”
      *only better*
      And I owned ALL Goosebumps books (the OG series books, none of the spinoff crap).

      Also, I have unwittingly stumbled across a few ISIS beheading videos myself over the years. “What the f*ck? This can’t be real, this is fake as fu-OH GOD IT’S REAL!!!”

      • Raymond Griffin
        Raymond Griffin  1 months back

        “Spider-Man buttfucks elsas brains out” ah yes, a YouTube classic.

        • GenocideGeoff
          GenocideGeoff  2 months back

          Just got done watching it and I thoroughly enjoyed it. The time period was captured pretty great.

          Theres some great actors and acting in this like the guy who played Walts DEA brother in law on breaking bad. In fact the scene where him and his daughter were on the phone when she was in jail was pretty emotional. The acting in this movie is good enough where you dont even notice the lack of profanity! And it isnt even neccessary. I like the way everything was shot and the imagery. The actual base plot to hear these stories was actually good. The characters made sound decisions and were relatable. I dig the fact that the alpha chad in this movie was a Latino.

          Also gotta admit the first death or actual story got me pretty was pretty horrifying and only got more horrifying.

          • a sad meme
            a sad meme  2 months back

            Family friendly horror content : *SPIDERMAN BUTTFUCKING ELSA*

            • Dereku
              Dereku  2 months back

              My dad had the book out quoting stiff like the red room and where’s my big toe and yeah 80 is acceptable

              • Tom Phelps
                Tom Phelps  2 months back

                I was only at the end of the Scholastic era

                • itaketheSQUARE
                  itaketheSQUARE  2 months back

                  Yeah this movie is like Are You Afraid of the Dark more than Goosebumps. AYAOFD was like Poltergeist when it was PG but clearly R. They pulled no punches and it felt 90s.

                  • I V
                    I V  3 months back

                    Just watched it yesterday I was skeptical at first but ended up liking it very much I’d say it started a little goofy but it got real scary balls pretty quick 80%! Sounds about right

                    • KC Jones?
                      KC Jones?  3 months back

                      Fuck like I'm 20 and it scared me

                      • Wolfs Winter
                        Wolfs Winter  3 months back

                        Scholastic book fair omg hahahaha, remember getting those pimped out pencils with the cool erasers all your friends wanted to trade or the binders.

                        • Garviel Loken
                          Garviel Loken  4 months back

                          I always laugh at the "Initiating moisture“ in the beginning.

                          • Gir Doodie
                            Gir Doodie  4 months back

                            Goose bumps

                            • Ultimatum
                              Ultimatum  4 months back

                              This movie sucked

                              • Mantagay
                                Mantagay  4 months back

                                I think the movie was lack luster, the only thing that made it enjoyable was seeing it with friends and joking the whole time

                                • TheMarionick
                                  TheMarionick  4 months back

                                  Has he ever given a movie a 100% on the moist meter?

                                  • Wolfhorn
                                    Wolfhorn  5 months back

                                    My entire future was laughing at the horror scenes

                                    • Sharif
                                      Sharif  5 months back

                                      Movie was boring as shit. As a 90s kid. I'm sorry. This was a borefest

                                      • Sketchy Sketches
                                        Sketchy Sketches  5 months back

                                        my 11 yr old niece would cry and hate me for life if i took her to see this same for her younger siblings tbh so yeah kids are still lil bitches from what i can tell the internet hasn't gotten em yet

                                        • Syndicate Midna
                                          Syndicate Midna  5 months back

                                          But why did dear tommy hate the scarecrow so much? why all his life?

                                          • Fernando Segovia
                                            Fernando Segovia  5 months back

                                            Harold is the hero of this movie, he put Tommy in his place with a cool fatality so I think he deserves to be in the next Mortal Kombat

                                            • 2TD . 2TD . 2TD . 2TD
                                              2TD . 2TD . 2TD . 2TD  5 months back

                                              fuck you charlie get ur shit together ur fucking hair is way scarier. pls get that shit taken care of i got super cuts lined up for ur dumb ass right here. pussy.

                                              • Danna
                                                Danna  5 months back

                                                my man harold fucked me up

                                                • Hekaku Tensei
                                                  Hekaku Tensei  5 months back

                                                  I just saw this movie and the story was garbage. Charlie you need to step it up fam. Midsommar was better than this train wreck of a story.

                                                  • Realafah
                                                    Realafah  5 months back

                                                    “These books are targeted towards pre-teens to high schoolers.”
                                                    *were distributed in my elementary school library and I read it since I was 7.

                                                    • Quiet Visuals
                                                      Quiet Visuals  5 months back

                                                      It had a stranger things feel at first I thought it would be bad but it was good acting was bad sometimes

                                                      • Anthony Masotti
                                                        Anthony Masotti  5 months back

                                                        I liked it. Bitch fat bitch squeezed a kid into the bod.

                                                        • milk man22
                                                          milk man22  5 months back

                                                          I saw this movie
                                                          and had to come back to see your moist meter that I missed. I couldn't disagree more Charlie. usually I agree with your sentiments but I think this movie was trash. I also don't have the nostalgic attachment to the original scary stories however so that might skew my perception of it. but from my understanding (and i could be wrong, but i think the points i'll make stand regardless), this movie was using some of the original stories but crafted an original "movie plot" around them. and the movie plot was awful. There was really bad "on the nose" dialogue that stuck out like a sore thumb to me. There were some absolutely fucking heinous jump scares with ridiculously loud noises (in theater) that just screamed on for far too long. I felt like the only way this movie could even get a reaction out of me was by just throwing a screaming face in front of the camera for 3-5 seconds until i sort of winced at the sheer volume being applied. It was like every 30 minutes the movie just had to say "HEY FUCKER ARE YOU STILL AWAKE? BOO!" and then it went back to being boring. The suspense really didn't build for me at all. the plot was super predictable and the characters were very unlikable. The characters immediately started speaking in melodramatic ways that I don't think any 15-16 year old kids would speak in. I'll give Stella a pass since she was suppose to be a writer in the story so you can expect her to be a bit dramatic/ have a strong vocabulary.

                                                          Another thing I really didnt understand was the seemingly pointless injection of nixon and the vietnam war draft. For completely no reason, they just showed nixon on a TV set like 6 different times during the movie as if to say (at best), "Hey this movie takes place in the 1960s. I know you cant really tell because our dialogue is very modern sounding" or (at worst) to push some sort of political agenda. It just seemed completely unnecessary to me. The cheesy ending was to be expected since its a PG-13 horror movie but no less lame. And lastly, it was pretty jaw-dropping to me that they would set this bombshell up for a sequel. If a second movie comes out in 1-2 years time i will be genuinely shocked.

                                                          Overall shit movie in my opinion. Honestly shocked at the 80%. but I respect that you liked it. Just wanted to give my two cents. Stay moist baby <3

                                                          • sad potato
                                                            sad potato  5 months back

                                                            I'm 19, I remember reading and getting scared by those books.
                                                            I loved the film even though it was for a younger audience and I'm glad someone besides me remembers them.. I thought for sure that first death was gruesome but deserved. Had a happy enough ending that implied maybe another movie.

                                                            • White Manta
                                                              White Manta  5 months back

                                                              I'm 19 and I didn't enjoy it that much.

                                                              • Julian Jenkins
                                                                Julian Jenkins  5 months back

                                                                “There’s no bad words” He forgets that they say w__back multiple times

                                                                • OtterGod
                                                                  OtterGod  5 months back

                                                                  I would always see this book at the bookfair, but I could never bring myself to read it, just the cover art fucking terrified me. Now though, yea it's definitely succeeds at being scary, but it's not soul striking and utterly terrifying like it was when I was a kid, and again, I only ever looked at the cover art and such.

                                                                  • bill muszynski
                                                                    bill muszynski  5 months back

                                                                    Review good boys

                                                                    • Honey Bee Talks
                                                                      Honey Bee Talks  5 months back

                                                                      I love how you subvert common phrases with profanity omfg

                                                                      • Boi Blue
                                                                        Boi Blue  5 months back

                                                                        Wow this is the hardest I’ve disagreed with you. I thought this movie sucked really fuckin sucked not even good for kids. My friends and I were laughing at how bad it was. “We’re not reading the book, the book is reading us” was the gayest line I’ve ever heard

                                                                        • Gaunter O'Dimm
                                                                          Gaunter O'Dimm  5 months back

                                                                          I somehow stumbled into watching A Serbian Film and I've never been same since that cursed day...Not to mention that I legit don't have the balls to consume anything horror related other than some classic books.

                                                                          • Dominic
                                                                            Dominic  5 months back

                                                                            The one illustration that fucked me up as a kid was The Bride that shit gave me nightmares

                                                                            • Robert Young
                                                                              Robert Young  5 months back

                                                                              Charlie - “There is no blood”

                                                                              Movie - * the whole diary is written in blood *

                                                                              • Hamsterboi 702
                                                                                Hamsterboi 702  5 months back

                                                                                I just saw this movie with me and my bf and were 16 and it scared the shit out of me and him, sence i grow up with the books it really hit hard for me.

                                                                                • shimmysham123
                                                                                  shimmysham123  5 months back

                                                                                  This movie was honest to god, dog shit

                                                                                  • Out Above
                                                                                    Out Above  5 months back

                                                                                    I thought it was good until it went full sequel bait at the end. Plus I think some dialogue was bad. If it had a formal conclusion. I would've given it a 7 or even an 8. I thinking a 6 for me (which to me means slightly above average)

                                                                                    • Super Derpy Doge
                                                                                      Super Derpy Doge  5 months back

                                                                                      This movie was a shitty IT

                                                                                      • Jar Of Jelli
                                                                                        Jar Of Jelli  5 months back

                                                                                        Okay but Me-Tie-Doughty-Walker was one of my favourite stories and the fact that that was the only one that they BARELY kept accurate made me honestly pissed. I know that makes me one of the people that’s like “ITS DIFFERENT THEREFORE ITS BAD” but I was still upset ;-;

                                                                                        • Hevy
                                                                                          Hevy  5 months back

                                                                                          “There’s no bad words” Dude they drop “shit” and “douchebag” all the time in that movie what are you talking about??

                                                                                          • Daddy Deku
                                                                                            Daddy Deku  5 months back

                                                                                            I agree with the accidental horrific shit point.
                                                                                            I watched boku no picu when i was ten because my dumbass thought it was an anime

                                                                                            • SoupPacket
                                                                                              SoupPacket  5 months back

                                                                                              Not gonna lie I saw this today and the Harold scene literally made me sick

                                                                                              • Pachinko
                                                                                                Pachinko  5 months back

                                                                                                oh man that book was scary

                                                                                                • Freelance Autist
                                                                                                  Freelance Autist  5 months back

                                                                                                  I was actually impressed with how faithful the monster design was to some of the illustration in the books. As well as some of the passing references to other small stories from the books that didn't get full on monsters/scenes like Harold.